


Behind Every

by TricksterInTheShadows



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Quote Prompted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-17
Updated: 2013-06-17
Packaged: 2017-12-15 06:44:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/846515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TricksterInTheShadows/pseuds/TricksterInTheShadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Behind every action, behind every word, there are meanings to them all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Behind Every

Behind Every

_Behind every “I’m okay” there is pain…_

Loki had almost reached his room when Thor caught up with his sprinting brother.  Both were extremely out of breath as Thor followed Loki into his chambers, ignoring his objections at the action.  He watched as Loki at down on a stool next to his wooden desk, expression fierce and angry. Thor also took a seat close to his brother.

“You know they don’t mean it really Loki.”

Loki had begun to run to his rooms in the first place, because of Thor’s friends. They had been ruthless young children who had decided it would be splendid and so much fun to pick on Loki and his differences. And after Loki could only take so much name calling, pushing and insults he ran to the secrecy and safety of his own place, his own home.

“That’s what you think. What if you were the one the called weak and pushed around?  Don’t tell me this was all a joke, it wasn’t.”

Thor couldn’t very well argue against Loki on this matter, even he agreeing that what they did as mean and cruel. He remembered shooting a glare at his friends before running after Loki, trying to get him to return to the game they were playing.

“I’m very sorry for what they did Loki, I am sorry. That shouldn’t have happened.”  Loki could hear the guilt and sadness in Thor’s voice and as his brother he couldn’t stand it. He knew it wasn’t Thor’s fault; it was his stupid friends who had bullied him. And even though the words and actions they had said or done to him still hurt him, forever scarring him in ways they would all one day regret, when Thor asked if he was okay, he replied with, _“I am okay.”_

And a cycle, a loop, was set in place for the rest of their lives, and maybe even beyond that, in the most unfortunate situation.

_Behind every “Just wondering” there is curiosity…_

There was a surprising knock on the doors of Thor’s chambers in the morning.  When Thor yelled out for the person to enter he did not expect Loki to enter through his doors. He was dressed I his usual colours of green and black but his face held a very unusual expression, one he had not seen on his brother often.

“Is something wrong?” asked Thor.

“No, I just wanted to ask you a question.” Thor was automatically confused with his brother. Of course he would answer whatever Loki would ask but his brother had never come to him like this before, everything about this experience was new and Thor thought that it shouldn’t be, they were brothers.

“Go on then” Thor urged.

“Well, I wished to know if your day was free.” Loki’s hands twisted and gripped each other behind his back, trying to hide his anxiousness. His face he had attempted to place a mask over, not giving away how much he wished his brother was free that day. He wouldn’t give anything away either though, as Thor told him of his plans.

“Today Sif and the other three have planned to go out into the forests and go exploring. Why?” Thor was curious to know why his brother was suddenly interested in his activities.

“Oh, _I was just wondering_ , what about tomorrow?” Loki did not want to show his disappointment or his desperation to finally spend some time with his brother. Lately he had been missing the time they had always spent side by side, and the moments they had shared in the past.

“No, sorry, I have plans again.” Loki let slip the mask for a minute as Thor yet again denied his unknown request for some of his time.

“Never mind then.” Loki turned to walk out of Thor’s room, disappointment filling him, when Thor suggested, “Maybe ask me again in a few days. I am sure to be free then.”

So Loki promised himself he would ask again, and he did, and every time, tragically so, Thor would always mention so plans he already had in place. So Loki found It harder to be Thor’s real brother after that, he found it harder not to drift away from his closest companion and friend, his only companion and friend.

_Behind every “I don’t care” there is emotion…_

Loki and Odin found both of themselves in a strange situation.

Loki had been in his chambers, sitting at his wooden desk studding magic once again when Odin had entered his room, of course, not bothering to knock.  When Odin had strolled in Loki had been surprised.  The Allfather never visited Loki within his own chambers; he had not been in his room since the very young years of Loki’s youth. And to add to the complexity of their relationship and what was happening, they had known to have a strained bound at times.

But there he was, Odin, standing in Loki’s room wishing to talk to him for a moment.  And Loki, with no suspicion of his father’s next harsh words, agreed fully, grateful that he was spending time with him.

But after a few minutes he had already had enough, already dealt with too much and interrupted his father.

Loki couldn’t stand the fact that Odin ha only come to him, his own son, to discourage and ridicule his magic skills. He hated that the Allfather was telling him to discontinue his studies. He was furious at the fact that no matter how many times he repeated and told his own father how he excelled at his skill for magic ad how he loved the powers he had master, he still told him to _stop._

He hated his father in that moment, yet his words on how he was not a warrior, how he could not fight using magic and his other insults broke the strings within Loki and dug the knife further between his ribs, inching closer to his heart. But the words that had sliced it open, spilling it’s blood and emotions, secretly held within him, were “Loki, you must be more like-“

Not even a finished sentence but the wound was the same. Odin recognised the mistake in his words. The unintentional things that had slipped past his lips and that filled the space between them.  And that air became hard and still, frozen.

“Finish that sentence.” Demanded Loki.

After a pause Odin finished “...more like Thor, your brother.”

Loki’s heart shattered, his mind clouded with emotions and his eyes smouldered with a raging flame. And with these attributed Loki looked straight into his father’s eye and loudly responded with, “I don’t care what you have to say to me, I don’t care what you wanted from me and I don’t care if you believe I should be like Thor, your perfect child. _I don’t care_ , at all.”

_Behind every “leave me alone” there is an “I need you”…_

With the sun slowly setting behind the Asgardian horizon, the two brothers, Loki and Thor, battled in a mock combat, practicing. They had been fighting for quite some time and both were slightly growing tired of their battle. That was when though, as Loki miss stepped and Thor struck forward, that Thor forcefully hit Loki with his hammer, and the crack could be heard meters away.

Loki fell to the ground clutching his side as Thor stood, shocked and speechless, at what he had just done. He had never intended to hit Loki with that sort of a blow, never would he do that. His body responded very suddenly though, as Loki began to attempt to rise himself from the dirt. He held out his hand to aid his brother but was met with a heated glare and Loki’s stubbornness, refusing Thor’s help.

‘Brother I am so, so sorry for what I have done. Are you okay? I am sorry.” Thor repeated again and again.

When Loki had managed to stand, his face contracting and grimacing in pain with his every movement, he began to walk, unsteadily, toward the inside of the palace. Thor quickly began to follow his severely injured brother but noticed that they were heading away an in the opposite directions from the healers.

“Brother, the healers are the other way. You are injured, where are you going?” Curiosity tinted Thor’s voice, accompanying the remorse and sorrow for what he had done. His brother was obviously in an immense amount of pain.

“No, I will not go to the healers” was Loki’s only response.

“But why?” Thor asked, extremely confused. His brother was hurt, why not go the healers?

“I can fix myself. Plus, I will not be their source off gossip, as they go and tell how the mightier Thor defeated his brother once again.” Loki’s voice and tone were poisonous, filled with venom and something Thor could not place.

Thor, confusion clouding his thoughts couldn’t comprehend what his brother was saying or what he meant. “What? I don’t understand Loki.”

“I doesn’t matter Thor.” By the time their small conversation way over Thor began repeating his apologies. When they arrived at Loki’s chambers Thor pushed the door open ahead of Loki to help his brother in any way he could, still guilty about the incident in the training yard.

Thor now understood. His brother rushed off to gather a spell book, where within would be the magic ritual needed to heal himself on his own.  As Loki tried to move quickly to retrieve the book Thor sat down in a chair close by his brothers desk, noticing for the first time how invested his brother was within the learning of the powers Thor could never understand. Thor was surprised to learn how he had missed the change with his brother as he dived deeper into his studies.

“Can I help you in any way? Do you need me to do something, anything?” Thor asked, needing a distraction from where his thoughts were heading.

“No Brother, you should just _leave me alone_. I can deal with this.” Loki’s words were spoken so cold and detached that they threw Thor off.  He didn’t understand what filled his brother so, and made him speak that way, his words so cutting and sharp.

So Thor simply left, feeling strange and wondering so much more about his brother then he ever had before, he listened to Loki and left him alone, missing Loki’s silent cry for him to stay.

_Behind every “I hate you” there is love…_

The battle on the Bifrost continued between Loki and Thor. Both brothers were locked in combat, their weapons clashing and striking. Each trying to hit their opponent and bring the fight to an end, in their favour.  Their hearts and minds were in this struggle as their bodies were as they both strived to complete the victorious blow.

And within the heat of the battle, as the Bifrost slowly ripped Jotunheim into shreds of its former self, Loki leaned towards Thor, and with icy words he spat a stabbing, sharpened phrase to his brother.

_“I hate you.”_

And all the same as it was a lie and a truth, so twisted from the lie smith, it would be forgotten, not lingered on, and a gone memory, yet so important in their damaged relationship.

_Behind every “I don’t know” there is knowledge…_

The dining room was a show of golden structures and exaggerated wealth. The light from the setting sun, through the window, added a warm glow that felt misplaced at the table where the three Asgardians sat. Their emotions sensible in the atmosphere that surrounded them were created from hurt and mourning. The plates of food in front of them lay untouched and still. 

Frigga’s tears ran down her face in streaks of pain and misery.  Her hands shock as they moved to wipe the salty drops, they trembled violently. Her sobs, no matter how hard she tried to contain them, burst free from her lips erupting a disaster of emotions to course through her. He grip reached for Odin, sitting beside her, his face in his hand, his eyes clenched tight.

Thor was seated, slumped forward and exhausted, next to his father as well.  His own head was also within his hands, and often deep ragged breaths could be heard from him. His own emotions, he was finding, to be difficult to control. His eyes couldn’t bear to open, but if they had, the sight would have been red and swollen, the results of the cries he himself had let run as he grieved for his now dead bother.

Frigga, in a shaking and weak voice questioned, seemingly to the world, “Why did he do all this? Why? Why would he let go? Why? Just why?” The tears could be heard in her speech and all her suffering became clearer within those simple, yet so heavy, words.

Yet no one spoke, no one said a word.  Not until some time had passed, and both Odin and Thor mumbled, weak themselves and extremely weary, _“I don’t know.”_

_Behind every silence there are so many words._

And there they sat in silence for so, so long. Mourning. Grieving. Drowning in the sadness they never imagined they would have to suffer as they were. Their emotions flooded all their thoughts and senses, erasing any chance of distracting themselves from their pain.

Frigga, tears flowing like a steady river.

Odin, head in his hands thinking as he always did.

Thor, remembering all that they had shared and now, what they never would again.

All, _silent._


End file.
